Communicating public safety messages to feral individuals is a marketing challenge of the highest order. Given the number of rootless, hooded individuals making their intimidating presence felt at every bus stop and kebab joint, to ensure that they have some concept of public safety is vital. Was using the alleged rail system the other day and noticed a poster recommending ‘No messin’. A model in a hoodie looked quite happy to have found new hobbies boasting in the copy that ‘I used to hang around the tracks. Now I have something better to do.’ Clearly a lifestyle breakthrough. When you think about it, there are many other things to do that are better than vandalising sidings, throwing bottles at commuter cattle cars or sticking gum on the tracks to see what happens. £264m is spent every year cleaning it up.
Frankly, a nice spot of sock based paint huffing is a more commendable and interesting habit. The campaign is apparently aimed at the 9 to 16 year old demographic that is causing the most trouble and includes a handy URL. A wiser marketer would point out that visiting any URL is probably a better thing to do than arsing about in the sidings, spitting at passing carriages and include some helpful links to hardcore. When you get to the site, you are invited to ‘Get a real buzz, real respect and real skills’. Of course, tagging would seem a skill to some. You can turn up to a leisure centre in a dying city such as Eastbourne and learn about sports you should have learned about in school, including boules. Anyone who can organise themselves enough to register for one of these ‘live’ events is probably not the sort to be, uh, ‘messin’ in the first place.
TfL’s recent campaign with a similar purpose is far better. On the Underground there are adverts in a glossy, crass style for fictitious commodity records and film with a bar through the centre saying that the cultural pissbag involved has been cancelled because the star was killed at an early age trying to stare down a bus or something. They are genuinely striking, look real and probably work.
Which is more than can probably be said of this joke. Well meaning rail consultants trying to communicate with criminal larvae from Darwin’s Waiting Room are like confused civil servants trying to contact Martians with a bent coat hanger and a Walkman. Far better to lay it out: ‘If you are mutilated or killed you are even less likely to be of interest to the opposite sex and if you are sent to prison the chances of an enthusiastic and unexpected conjugal visit at the back door are profound. Therefore stay the fuck away from the tracks.’
Monday, July 04, 2005
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